Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fiona Apple, Sea Creatures and Twinkies

Have you seen the new Fiona Apple video? Ok, then, here you go. Let me get this out of the way: the song is crap. Fiona Apple does music that's too timid. On top of that, she panders to the worst impulses of her listeners. I'm not a fan, and I don't want to waste time on crap. However, a few things are worth noting:
First, I am a big fan of sea creatures. Octopus, squid, shark, and Seahorse, I really do find them all fascinating. So, the octopus hat drew me in to watch the bloody thing, and then I saw what I really want to talk about:
Ms Apple needs to eat a damn twinkie. Yes, that's a crass way to put it. However, I've dealt with eating disordered people of various stripes, and there's no way to be delicate enough for them. They are just like any other addict; manipulative, devious, and ultimately self-serving while at the same time self destructive. So, just like you have to walk on eggshells around a junkie, an Anorexic will want to dance around the plain fact that they are starving themselves to death. Well, guess what? I don't think that's a worthwhile cause, so my answer is "Eat a damn twinkie". Now, I know there's been talk of ms Apple having an eating disorder before, but I haven't been part of that discussion. Personally, I didn't know. But, seeing this video: yes, she has an eating disorder. Not just because she's gaunt, drawn and pale, but because she is displaying all the other symptoms as well, from bad teeth to fine body hair. I'm willing to bet that no-one around her is able to question her genius, either, because she's so brittle, right? Well, I'm not her friend, and I don't think she can revisit anything on me, so without any need to be nice, she needs to re-evaluate her lifestyle choices. Maybe get high, maybe buy a new sportscar and sleep with 20 year old  know nothings, maybe buy a lot of shoes, but eating a twinkie needs to be high on the list. Why a twinkie? Because absolutely everyone knows they are bad for you- nothing but empty calories. She needs to let some control go, and admit to herself that she might do bad things, but that, in and of itself, is unimportant. What ultimately matters is having a genuine human connection, and even then, only as equals. Hell, her music might even improve.
Now, I know. I'm not a doctor. I don't know Fiona Apple. We have met, but that's just an industry thing. I know that it's awfully presumptuous to talk as if I know what she needs. At the same time I feel like I'd be the worst kind of hypocrite if I didn't say something, because we all see it all the time, and it drives me to distraction: we all see people at the grocers, or on public transport, or whatnot, and it's just obvious what the problem is, yet we say nothing, and some of these people quietly die because no one would say anything. I'd much prefer for people to think I'm an arrogant prick than for someone to kill themselves following some mental rabbit down the rabbit hole. So, if I'm wrong, so what? I still stand by my assessment. This is what it appears to be. Fiona Apple needs to eat a damn twinkie, and then, find a better therapist, one that isn't trying to be nice, and will confront her with what she's doing. I'd want nothing less for myself. So, if I'm wrong, that's cool, but I bet I'm not.

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