Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Pixies

You know, the Pixies are another of those cornerstones for me. I suspect they are for a lot of people.  I'm a bitter, hard, crusty old bastard, so I'm not above criticizing them, even. About half of Bossanova, and a third of  Trompe Le Monde is just filler. That said, when they were on, they were untouchable, and the best band in the world. Bar none. The only ones who came close were The Clash, Husker Du,Thin White Rope, Jawbox, Kyuss, and Jane's Addiction. ( Don't get me wrong, every band has a moment, at least, where they're really good- but very few get even a moment where they're unassailable, where no one could argue against them.) I count myself as very fortunate to have seen them live.  I also know that the same volatility that made them great meant they will sometimes fall apart, and it just sucks. There are moments when one member or another will just separate, maybe due to ego, maybe distraction, maybe some emotional reason, but then, when it happens, they sucked, hard.
So, while it is sad that Kim Deal has decided to leave, I have some small hope that it isn't as final as it seems. It does seem probably, however, that it's all over, this time. So, in a fit of sentimentality, I watched loudQUIETloud and I saw it with new eyes. Charles seems less closed off, more generous. Joey seems more reserved and laid back, and Kim doesn't seem like quite such a diva. David still seems exactly the same to me: just a regular guy with more than regular energy- yes he is processing something heavy for him, but it seems pretty normal and regular to me. So, where did the dynamic go wrong, this time?
I cannot project what thoughts and feelings they might have, but I have a theory. What if it's me? Well, not me, personally, but my relationship with them as a band. Because, while I do recognize that these are people, just like me, there's something that happens when they go onstage, and make music together, and they're not people, they're "The Pixies" . I can see how, if I were inside that, it would both appeal and repulse. Yes, I'd want to be part of this act of genius that is more than me, and more than I could ever be, as a person, but at the same time, the pull would be- what about me? I want to be a person, I want people to react to me as me, and either love me, or hate me based upon that.  I want to pursue the interests that excite me, not necessarily this one thing that I need to be connected to, in order to be great. However, so long as every night, good or bad, there's people there who connect with that thing, probably even more than me, I go back to that thing. I might resent it some nights, and not others, but I can see how it would always push and pull. The bigger problem would be that it's the truth. I, as a person, could do anything, and it will never be that lightning-in-a-bottle genius that The Pixies can be, and people are right to be fans of that, and there will always be more people that are fans of The Pixies than me, it's inevitable. Eventually, the plug will get pulled. Someone will die, or will get sick, or will no longer be able to plug into that genius, and that will prevent the rest from happening, so just like a Kevorkian impulse, I might want to be the one to pull the plug. I might want that final act of self-determination to be mine.
I don't know, but it seems like as plausible a theory as anything else....

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